On the road to 40
Ok, so I’m turning 40!
For the last 2 years I’ve had this idea of putting a website together about “on the way to 40”. 40 years old that is. What a milestone!! Right? Isn’t that what we all think? “I’m going to embrace it!”; “It ‘s just a number”; etc. To me the reality is, well… NO, I am not so happy about turning 40, and I’m sure a lot of people feel the same way and try to mask it with all the positive lingo. I wanted this “On the road to 40” to be a happy, encouraging site where we (30+ women) will share our different experiences, beauty tips, health tips, how to get to 40 looking and feeling like you’re in your 20s, etc., but the thing is, I never got to creating this website because I am scared shitless of reaching 40.
I’ve always had a young spirit. I like to believe I don’t look my age. Still, there’s this thing about the Four-Zero that makes me nervous. I tried to look into what really is making me feel this way about turning 40. Why am I scared? Why am I not receiving this the way I receive any other change in my life? What caused me to bury this fantastic idea (On the Road to 40) that I could have shared with so many women for 2 years. I’m not 40 yet, so I really don’t know how it “feels” but I’m sure some of the things I will mention below have a lot to do with this perturbation.
For starters they call it “Mid-Life”
Who tf wants to be in a Mid-life? When I hear “Mid-life” I think mid-life CRISIS. “Middle-aged” now refers to you. Also, many women experience changes both physically and emotionally around age 40. “40 is the new 30” my ass. “Age is just a number” no, it’s not. And 50? 50 is only 10 years away! Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think this crisis affects most of us. In some cases, when people reach this age, many decide to turn their lives around completely. In others, the outside world decides. Some people decide to change their career; There are those who decide to return to singleness and those who ‘divorce’, there are those who decide to start a family and those whose families are falling apart. The truth is most of us are not saved from this moment.
Let me tell you… There are those who look back and feel satisfied with what they achieved in life thus far, so they expect things to re-arrange themselves if they are not going too well when they reach 40; there are those who look back and see that what they achieved and what they dreamed is quite different and that they would like to re-accommodate and/or re-design their reality to improve it, and there are those who do not stop to think and believe that the crisis is due to the circumstances and that with starting over, everything will be fine. If we had to simplify this, I would say that the former enjoy a moderately well-off life, the second can build it if they pay close attention to not making the mistakes that did not lead them to achieve their dreams in the first place and the third parties are those that in their 60s will be in the same situation but with fewer resources, less energy and worse circumstances to undertake. You see? Reaching 40 is a crisis, no matter where you are standing in life. Do you get me yet?
Does society play a part in how you feel when turning 40?
I think yes. Let’s talk about this… If you called me on a Saturday to tell me let’s go out partying that night my answer will probably be “Hell yeah, what time?” and that’s just me. I am high energy, I love to go out dancing. I love to be out in the city, but entering this “age range” society might look at you like you are going through a crisis if you want to go out often on a Saturday night, ESPECIALLY if you are single (That’s a whole other monster we can talk about). They are labels out there. As much as I would like to believe in “I don’t care what you say, you don’t pay my bills” people do make you or break you. In conventional society if you haven’t established a successful career, married and/or have child[ren], properly invested for the future by 40 you’ve officially failed. And even if you have done all those things, you’re 40, why do you want to be out in a crowd of 20 and 30 years old? And don’t get me started on jobs, particularly if you are in the entertainment business. In this industry 40 is not a cute number. Stamps, labels, opinions, rules, etc. Hey… I’m just being honest.
OK, I’ll try..!
Ok, ok… Maybe I’m just projecting my own insecurities, but I’m sure there’s some type of study out there that’s about how turning 40 can make you feel… hmm… not so good. I’ll confess, from where I stand right now my life is pretty good. I haven’t achieved all the things that I wish I had by 40, but I’m pretty happy with the things I have. Yes, there’s a long list of good things that come with this age milestone, like maturity, confidence, appreciating the little things in life, but I needed to vent about how I really feel about getting there. Re-designing our life is possible and I guess it’s the great opportunity that gives us the decade of the 40 (Yes, I said that). To do so requires a large dose of reflection, analysis, decision (how we want to be our next stage in life), and action.
Alright, so let’s try this “On the road to 40” thing. I invite you to follow me on this journey. Let’s go through it together. Let’s ask questions, share, give opinions on everything getting to this age , and even if you are past it, hop on, I would love to read what you have to say of it. I haven’t been too eager about sharing my way to “mid-life”, but I’m working on handling it. I’m not going to create a website exclusively for “On the road to 40”, but I’ll will be talking about it here. I’ll share my ups and downs on turning 40, hopefully more ups than downs, either way, I’m still going out Saturday night.
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